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Jokes
May 15, 2005 22:54:58 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on May 15, 2005 22:54:58 GMT -5
this section is for jokes, post away ;D
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Jokes
May 15, 2005 22:55:27 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on May 15, 2005 22:55:27 GMT -5
The top ten Slogons for Viagra were:
10.Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9.Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8.Viagra, Like a rock!
7.Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6.Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5.Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4.Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3.Viagra, home of the whopper!
2.Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs..
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Jokes
May 15, 2005 23:13:11 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on May 15, 2005 23:13:11 GMT -5
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it but, here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
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Jokes
May 16, 2005 11:15:55 GMT -5
Post by Szil on May 16, 2005 11:15:55 GMT -5
Hahaha. But you gotta remember "When you want something yummy, put a happy cake in your tummy."
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Jokes
May 16, 2005 11:21:29 GMT -5
Post by Squee on May 16, 2005 11:21:29 GMT -5
Okay. I know blonde jokes are a bit over used. But, I have a fun one. One day a blonde is driving down the road and sees another blonde out in the feild, in a boat, rowing. The blonde stops her car and walks over to the fence and looks out at the blonde rowing her boat in the feild. She then yelled 'It's blondes like you that make blondes like me look stupid. And if I knew how to swim I'd kick your ass!'
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Jokes
May 16, 2005 16:10:05 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on May 16, 2005 16:10:05 GMT -5
Twitch, thats an old one, how about this
A preacher is out fishing, and he catches a fish, when he goes to pay for it the lake manager type guy, said "wow, thats one big somm-bitch", and the preacher says "Oh, my child why muust you speak this way?" so the manager says "no, thats just the name of the fish, sir" so the preacher says, Okay, and goes to the church, there he asks one of the Nuns "Sister, would you mind cleaning this somm-bitch?" so she slaps him and says "father, never in my life have i heard you say such a word" so he replys that its the name of the fish...after the nun cleans the fish she askd the cook, "can you cook this somm-bitch" and she did the hole OMG! thing and then cooked it....later that night the pope came over to dinner and ate the fish, and said "that was the best fish ive eaten in a long, long, long time" and the preacher replys "im glad you liked it, you know i caut that somm-bitch" and the nun says "and i cleand that summ-bitch" and the cook said "and i cookd that summ-bitch"...the pope piced at his teath for a moment, and then put his feet up on the table as he leand back in his chair, and said "you know, you fuckers are allright"
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Jokes
May 17, 2005 11:24:51 GMT -5
Post by Squee on May 17, 2005 11:24:51 GMT -5
Hahahaha! XD
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Jokes
May 17, 2005 15:51:34 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on May 17, 2005 15:51:34 GMT -5
i know...i know, im funny as hell of fried toast with cram cheese spread over a pregnit cow danceing to the mumbo, and doing the time warp agin, while watching a albino black sheep hump a fire hidrent named frank after his mother, franklin willious the 18th, on 4th and jeferson in downtown Chappell witch is real odd becuse theres no up town part of chappell...anyway...im funny
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Jokes
Jun 4, 2005 23:07:17 GMT -5
Post by Nnyrox on Jun 4, 2005 23:07:17 GMT -5
Ok this one is one of those stupid racial joke things... But it's on Boondock Saints... and it does make Nny laugh... a lot. ;D
Ok so three guys are walking along a beach. A white guy, a black guy, and a mexican. They stumble accross this lamp right and rub it only to see a genie appear before them. The genie states that he will grant them each one wish. So he asks the mexican what he wishes and the mexican replies "I wish for all of my maxican brothers to be happy and living back home in mexico." Genie grants the wish and poof all of the mexicans are in Mexico. Geenie turns to the black guy and asks what his wish is. Black guy say's "I want all of my African American brothers happy and living at home in Africa." So the geenie grants his wish and poof all of the African Americans are in Africa. Geenie turns to the white guy and asks what he wants, the white guy say's "You mean to tell me all of the mexicans and black people aren't here anymore?" Geenie say's "Well yeah..." White guy say's "Well I'll have a coke then."
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Jokes
Jun 5, 2005 7:59:10 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on Jun 5, 2005 7:59:10 GMT -5
that was funny, wronge, but funny.
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 2:01:21 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on Dec 20, 2005 2:01:21 GMT -5
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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A guy was smoking a cigarette... A guy was smoking a cigarette. Another guy comes up to him and asks, "Do you have an extra cigarette?"
The first guy looks at the box and reads that it contains20 cigarettes.
He counts all the cigarettes in his box and says,"Nope, don't got any extra cigarettes". ________________________________________
Three Wise men were going to heaven, but before that, they each had to answer a question from God. The first Wise Man came up and God asked him, "Who was the first man on earth?" He answered Adam and was let in. The second Wise Man came up and God asked him, "Who was the first women on earth?" He answered Eve and was let in. The thrid Wise Man came up and God asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" He thought for a moment, "Hmm, that's a hard one..." And God said, you may be let into Heaven.
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Braggadocio Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons. "My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!" "My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!"
"My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock."
"Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday." _________________________________________
What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nachocheese
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How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow? Give her a shovel
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College Grads A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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Beer Translations 1. "You get this round and the next round is on me." I''ll be leaving before the next round. 2. "I''ll get this round and the next one is on you." Happy hour is about to end. Beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they''ll be $3.50.
3. "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.
4. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (female) I''m easy.
5. "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." (male) I''m gay.
6. "Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
7. "Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I''ll do to you on the ride home?
8. "I don''t feel well, let''s go home." (female) You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
9. I don''t feel well, let''s go home." (male) I''m horny.
10. "Who''s got the next round?" I haven''t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention. ______________________________________
Is that enogh jokes for yer fat chicken ass's to stank on??
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Jokes
Dec 20, 2005 21:12:19 GMT -5
Post by Szil on Dec 20, 2005 21:12:19 GMT -5
Ok, so there is a girl with a shell tatooed on her inner thigh, if you put your ear next to it, you can smell the ocean.
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Jokes
Dec 22, 2005 4:47:36 GMT -5
Post by Lyric on Dec 22, 2005 4:47:36 GMT -5
OMFBBQ THAT WAS AWESOME...i wasnt expecting that from you pally...lmmfao he he he
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